How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
