I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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