I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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