our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
