You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
