For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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