I wish my penis had an off switch
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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