I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
