I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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