How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
