I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
