just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize