DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
