Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
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I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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