God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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