I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
