So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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