I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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