pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
