i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize