The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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