youre lurking in front of me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
