North Korea, Best Korea!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
