Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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