I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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