my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
