he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
