I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize