i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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