Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He told me they were just razor bumps!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
