That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pants are for mortals
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
