his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
