i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
