sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I touched a dick in church today
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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