drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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