Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we made out on top of his cat.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
