Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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