he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
