So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
