Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
