I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
