Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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