Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
