You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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