I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
