my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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