new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
