a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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