I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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