In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This girl is more easily done than said...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
