i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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