All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
