lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
