why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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