What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
