Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
