I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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