Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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