singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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