I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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