i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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