dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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