Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
