Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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